The Greatest Mysteries of the Universe II
by Makemegray
Summary: Some of the D.N. Angel men contemplate the fairer sex and their more puzzling attributes. Part two of the series.


The Greatest Mysteries of the Universe: D.N. Angel

"Niwa you idiot!" Riku shouted after slapping Daisuke soundly across the face.

As he rubbed his throbbing cheek Daisuke tried to figure out what he'd done.

All he'd said was that Riku didn't look that much like her sister. He'd pointed out that there several differences in the size of certain areas of her anatomy. Risa was bigger in these certain areas and Riku was decidedly slimmer.

The older Harada had been livid as soon as the words had left his mouth.

He really didn't understand what he'd done wrong. He'd always thought that women wanted to be thin. That that was one of their deepest desires. Its was why they made themselves throw up and why they starved themselves.

Didn't all girls do that because they wanted to be skinny?

Apparently that hadn't been the case with Riku.

He sighed and began the walk home after school.

He never understood Riku and Risa. It was like everything they said actually meant the opposite.

If Risa said she wanted to go to the movies with him it actually meant that they wanted to go with Dark and seeing as he always had the answers to the kaito's whereabouts he was the one who get invited in the hope that Dark would be there instead.

If Riku said they wanted the 'whole gang' to go on vacation together and he invited Risa, Towa, Mio, Saehara and Hiwatari

What she'd really meant was that she wanted him all to herself for a week and a half.

She'd been furious when all of their friends had joined them.

She'd complained that they'd only been a couple for a few months and all she'd wanted was a little quality time with him and he'd ruined it all.

When his response had been that she'd told him she wanted 'everyone' to go, she'd started complaining about him not listening to anything she said.

He sighed again when he thought about it.

He's never been able to understand any of it.

In the end he reigned himself to the inevitable: Girls were insane and they would never be able to be understood. He added up the double talk, the deception and the hidden agendas all up to being…

The Greatest Mysteries of the Universe.

* * *

Satoshi Hiwatari was currently incredibly and irreconcilably depressed. Not only did he have to worry about but his father putting particular pressure on him to capture Dark but Krad had started hounding him do the same. With the two constantly nagging him, and then Daisuke hooking up with one of those insufferable Harada twins, Satoshi had understandably been a little less than enthused about life in general. 

So given all of that, the thing he wanted to know, was why all of the women he was around suddenly think that he was he was the hottest thing that had ever walked to face of the earth?

Everywhere he went he would hear little sighs and get besotted smiles aimed at him and he could swear that he distinctly heard a couple of girls collapse as he walked down the hallways at school.

What was it about angsty and brooding men that females found irresistible?

It wasn't as if he had shown any interest in them either. In fact he wasn't talking to anyone anymore except Krad and even that was done begrudgingly and in his own mind yet the townswomen couldn't get enough of him.

As he packed up his belongings at the school day, he sighed as he happened to glance at the gaggle of girls that were waiting at the door for him to leave.

He couldn't fathom why they had gained this newfound interest in him when on all previous accounts he'd been voted as one of the creepiest guys on campus.

So why now that he'd turned into a recluse and an all-around wacko who talked to his alter ego randomly out loud, did they want him so badly?

He massaged his eyes and added it all up to being…

The Greatest Mysteries of the Universe.

* * *

Takeshi Saehara was currently brooding as well. Although he was brooding for far different reasons than Satoshi. He, unlike a certain multi-personalitied classmate of his, wasn't hounded by his inner demons. No, Takeshi was simply haunted by the demon of loneliness. How was it that Hiwatari (whom he swore had a crush on Daisuke) could get all the girls attention with just a sigh? He was freaky! How could they like him! 

Okay so he had the whole depressive angsty thing going on which he knew girls liked, which was why Takeshi was trying it out himself to no avail, but other than that there was absolutely nothing appealing about Hiwatari. Or Daisuke for that matter!

How could Riku have fallen for a little runt like Daisuke? He wasn't nearly as smart as Takeshi (at least Hiwatari had that going for him), He wasn't particularly good looking, he wasn't the least bit athletic and worst of all, and he was totally naive and clueless about the world! How could anyone, especially one of the Harada twins, find him attractive?

And as for Risa, she was still totally infatuated with Dark Mousey! A no good dirty thief! It was a completely misguided affection yet no matter what anyone told her she still wanted to be him.

Takeshi nearly pulled his hair out in frustration.

Why wouldn't any girl be jumping at the chance to get with a guy like himself?

Honest, a hard-worker, noble, talented and practically assured a job with the town newspaper as soon as he got out of school.

He had his whole life basically laid out in front of him and wouldn't ever have to worry about where his nest meal was going to come from.

He'd expresses this view to Mio one day and her response had been: "Like, worrying about that kind of stuff now is a total downer, man. Live with a little spontaneity, dude and then maybe some chick will like totally fall for you."

He'd chalked her statement as just being some random Mio-nonsense.

If anything Takeshi was spontaneous, what else could you call someone who at the drop of a letter would drop everything to go the site of Dark's latest warning?

If that wasn't spontaneity then the word needed a new definition.

Okay, so maybe it was a little bit planned out since Dark tended to always go after the most high profile piece of art in town at the time and everyone did usually have a pretty good idea of what he was going after because of it but that didn't mean that Takeshi planned out every step to his various plans to capture Dark.

He sighed, stricken at the sight of the girls in the class flocking around Hiwatari as he left the classroom at the end of the day.

Why couldn't they do that to the one guy in class who was actually going to be famous for something other than being a freak of nature prodigy kid.

In the end he supposed there was nothing he could about it. If the girls in this town weren't mature enough to see him as the catch that he truly was then he was just going to have to find another town that would give him the praise he deserved.

It didn't matter. Girls sucked. That was no mystery.

Takeshi couldn't care less anymore. He added the fascination girls had with angsty, brooding, and depressive gay boys up to being just another one of…

The Greatest Mysteries of the Universe.

* * *

As Dark flew over the town out to steal the object of his latest warning letter, he heard a familiar voice calling his name and begging him to come down. 

He ignored it. Shaking his head and pretending not to hear Daisuke scolding him.

It was Risa Harada, of course.

Every night he was out, so was she. She'd just never gotten the hint that he didn't want to see her anymore.

He'd done it in no uncertain terms yet as gently as possible but the girl still hadn't gotten it.

She was practically obsessed (Daisuke protested this term vehemently).

It was astounding to Dark how women could seem to completely ignore parts of a conversation when they wanted to. It was like the 'break-up' had never happened.

She still called for him every night and still asked Daisuke about him, apparently not registering the fact that the kaito had been avoiding her for at least a year now.

Dark was, quite frankly, a little scared.

Risa Harada was a stalker.

She always appeared at his jobs waiting for him and always begged him to go out with her again.

It was truly frightening.

Of course, Daisuke said that it was his own fault for leading her on, and maybe it was, but none of the other girls had fallen as deep as Risa off the deep end.

As he landed on the roof of the town museum, he sensed his stalker in the crowd, waiting for him.

"It's your own fault." Daisuke repeated inside his head.

"Okay so maybe it was but it was your fault for liking her in the first place. I couldn't help but like her a little too."

"But you didn't have to date her!"

"It wasn't _technically_ a date in the exact terms."

"Dark!"

The kaito sighed. He could never really please his other half. He supposed the Daisuke was rather like a woman himself in that respect (Daisuke: I heard that!).

At any rate, Dark decided to go into the museum through the basement window. Now was not the time for his usual flashy entrance when the psycho twin was present.

He still couldn't understand her seemingly unwavering devotion to him even after he'd done her so wrong.

It was confusing as hell and really irritated him.

He sighed again and realized that this Harada twin was best left to Daisuke to figure out.

He really didn't like piling things onto the boy but this was something that Dark just couldn't manage himself.

Since all other means of classification had failed, Dark resigned himself to adding Risa's obsession with him as being just another one of …

The Greatest Mysteries in the Universe.

* * *

From his place in a corner of Satoshi Hiwatari's mind, Krad contemplated the world around him. Particularly the female world. He could tell by Satoshi's thoughts that the boy was just as confused about thing as he was if not more so. 

They were secretive, manipulative, underhanded, single-minded, and all around evil examples of the human species for the most part.

He couldn't think of a single redeeming quality that the fairer sex possessed other than an appealing anatomy and even that sometimes got skewed by their sinister ways.

Yes women were evil alright, they were emissaries straight form the deepest darkest pits of the underworld. Compared to them Dark Mousey looked like a saint.

But despite all of their wickedness, men never seemed to catch on. They let them continue to rule the world. Sure they did it under the guise of being oppressed but in reality it was women who had all the power and the keys to success.

They flaunted it by getting ridiculous laws passed in the name of progress, by establishing their own foothold over men by saying that they were discriminated against. If anything it was men who were discriminated against because they tried to put the world back into it rightful balance: Men doing the work and women in the kitchen and running the house.

The witches had even turned that into a negative thing.

They'd denied their god-given roles and had taken over the role a man is supposed to play. And don't even talk about Lesbians. They'd taken the man's role and his clothes.

Krad was a firm believer that women should be eradicated. Though he could understand why he found even himself, a steadfast male-rights advocate, drawn to the evil pheromones that those gorgons excreted.

He'd tried and tried again to ignore those temptations but time and time again he'd failed and given into his carnal desires.

What exactly was the power those sirens held over men?

What was the source of their power?

It wasn't some crystal or amulet hid in their fleshy bodies, Krad had checked thoroughly one time.

Was it the way they talked or walked or looked?

Whatever it was it had to be stopped if men were to ever gain their proper hold back on the world.

Krad sighed in his mind-prison.

As long as Satoshi kept resisting him he could never fulfill his destiny of obliterating the fairer sex.

That control they possessed, the evil they spread, and the havoc they wrecked were all connected.

And it was terrifying.

Krad unfortunately could do nothing about it to save his fellow man. The only thing he could do was add women and their wiles up to being another one of…

The Greatest Mysteries of the Universe.

* * *

Author's notes: Okay a note about the ending, I wanted Krad in the fic and the only thing he ever has his mind focused on is getting Dark and since this series is about women being something guys can't or won't understand I was left to turn him into a huge misogynist. Gomen nasai Krad fans. And Risa fans. I think it's clearly obvious that I don't like her based on the fact that I talked about her so bad. She irritates me. I can't help it. Also I am a devout Satoshi/Daisuke shipper but for the purposes of this story I was regretfully forced to turn Dai into a breeder. I truly regret this. But at least I didn't put him with Risa or Mio. I considered Towa but…Riku was just the best choice. She annoys me the least out of the D.N. girls besides Emiko which would have just been wrong. 


End file.
